Time heals

3 “To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heavens.”
~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I thought I understand life a bit, but truly I do not. There are so much to know and to learn more: from balancing our mental, emotional and spiritual aspects. To this I am humbled and I ask HIS guidance everyday. 🙏🏼

I miss those days were I am always into positivity and good vibes. I can say I was most of the time happy, motivated, appreciated and there were times I can be stoic to negativity. I learn to appreciate, just live life, work and no dramas.

But then there are life seasons and season’s change. I did not expect it. It’s too early for him to leave this world.

I was indeed heartbroken in those previous years and so as a little bit to these days. I can say yes, I am okay already now. Thanks be to GOD. Yes, I really tried but still there are times grief visited me. I can’t deny, that sometimes I can’t avoid it. I just hide my cries, but then if I do I have my heavy heart. Yeah, I do agree that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. So yeah, I feel my feelings – in order to let it go. I also talk to few, posted some short thoughts and poems in my social media. I know this is a process and still I am praying and working on it. I hope writing and sharing this in my blog can help me too.

Late in 2021, my father got sick and on August 2022 he died. It was very quick, he did suffered from his illness. It was so hard for me because we were very close. He was my guide, adviser, support system, protector, prayer warrior, listener and so many things to write. He understands me – most of all. My all out support in any ideas or crazies ideas I have. It’s really sad that, there’s a part of me that is gone already.

I still can remember those times when he got his illness. Those sleepless nights because we’re very worried. It’s hard when you are far away from home. To think that, those days were in COVID times. The hospitals were full of patients. Then when the patient was already admitted, no one was allowed to visit. He got in first, to a public hospital in the province and it was not a holistic place, also since it was COVID time. He was not treated well there – so sad. I was then very angry but what to do, I am very far from him. My mother was with him but she is a soft-hearted. I did many calls to private hospitals in the city that time. I was so stressed, since no hospitals accept patients, because as they said they were all full. There were receptions too from other hospitals that you can tell they were lying, this made me so sad and angry.

Luckily, on the next day after he was admitted to a public hospital, I remember we have a relative working in a private hospital in the city. So immediately I called him. Thankful, we got some help from him. Doctors from the previous hospital and the latter talked because of shifting. The sad thing I still can remember was when doctors question your financial capacity based on your appearance. Yes, my father was a very simple man and on that day when he was admitted, he did not dress well. He did not, since he was working on his construction project in the other town. It was a church altar (or we called it ‘retablo’).

Good thing, our relative assured the hospital that we can pay his admissions etc. and they accepted him. Since private rooms are full that time, they put him first in waiting – to green ER, means he doesn’t have a COVID. Later days, he was transferred to a private rooms and stayed there I think (if I did not forgot) for a couple of weeks. It was a long story for his struggles that time especially in the public hospital, I just leave it here. I am just unhappy to some hospitals in my country of what was their priority for accepting patience. So sad truly!! There were other things too that bothered me then those days but no need to mentioned it here.

On August 2022, was my schedule for my vacation in the Philippines. It has been three years already that I didn’t have my vacation since 2019, because of COVID. That time, I was happy at last to go back home and especially to see my father though he was suffering from his illness, that time. To see him and talk to him is a goal for me. It’s been awhile, we didn’t talk much online and I understand.

I bring my sister with me and my brother was there at home too for vacation. That made us together for vacation, all my siblings. But the sad thing, the really sad thing for my side was, I did not met him alive when I reached home. During our boarding for our flight to Philippines, like few minutes before we take off, I received a message from my sister there at home, that my father passed already. I was like shocked, I don’t know what to do. I called them and I cried so much. I didn’t mind those people with me in my flight. Yes, I cried during my whole flight. You know, it ached so much of what had happened and that made me so sad and angry.

I still am emotional sometime these days, also since last February was his birth month. So many memories flashes and those struggling days that he was suffering from his illness. But I just to end this here. GOD knows and I know I am healing in progress. ♥

I’m gone for so long in WP, because I can’t think much what to write. I don’t know, I tried but I’ve got blank from thoughts those days. I think time heals really and I am positive that I am better these days. I tried, but I just live it, it’s a process I know. 🙏🏽

I do try to post from other social media of course, like reposting posts/photos and yes I did it there! I’m also back in my short travels too. Long been since 2019. I hope soon I can post more here too, since I am planning to use this website for my ideas and travels – all here. I will be deleting my separate travel website soon.

Thank you all, for taking time reading my blog. I started to read some blogs too from you I follow, happy reading! GOD bless all of us. 🤗

Love lots,

MisaeMich 💛